All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Castle Shadowgate

1. Share and share alike. You share it, I like it.

2. Play dirty. Do not pay the troll a single gold coin.

3. Don’t hit yourself, or set yourself on fire, or hit yourself with the hammer, or jump out windows.

4. Put all the items you’ve “found” in your limitless inventory.

5. Clean up nothing. Break the mirror. Do not pass go. It was like this when you got here.

6. Take everything that isn’t nailed down, except the book in the hallway. And if you can’t take it, torch it.

7. Please apologize if you’ve inadvertently hurt and/or killed any person and/or magical creature that is not related to the completion of your quest.

8. Wash your hands after you’ve sent Cerberus back to the depths of hell. Holy water smells nasty and can stain white clothing.

9. If it’s brown burn it down, if it’s yellow then it is probably of no use to you. Any other color discharge and you may need to see a doctor.

10. Warm cookies and cold milk are good, but if the bridge won’t hold your weight you should perhaps cut down your intake.

11. Living a balanced life will kill you just the same as running with the devil. So don’t be afraid to die… many, many times.

12. Take a nap when you’re dead, you must stop the Warlock Lord. Lakmir didn’t send you here for your health.

13. What happens in Castle Shadowgate, stays in Castle Shadowgate.

14. Be wary of scantily clad women that are chained to walls. Remember; if it seems to good to be true, it probably is. Also, did you remember to grab the silver arrow?

15. Werewolves, wyverns, cyclops, dragons, hellhounds and even the shark in the underground lake — they all die. And they are here to impede you on your quest, so kill them. KILL THEM ALL!

16. And then remember all the riddles of the sphinx. And don’t forget the words LOOK, OPEN, TAKE, CLOSE, USE, HIT. But ignore LEAVE and SPEAK; they are pretty much useless.